The Hidden Impact of Porn: Mastering Sexuality with Tyson Adams

In this eye-opening episode of the Human Experience Podcast, host Blake Chalfant dives deep into the complex world of pornography and sexuality with guest Tyson Adams. Tyson, a trauma-informed IFS men's coach, somatic body worker, and psychedelic facilitator, shares his journey of overcoming a 20-year porn addiction. Discover the dark sides of the porn industry, learn healthy ways to relate to your sexuality, and explore transformative practices that can help you reclaim your life force energy.

Topics Covered:

Tyson Adams’ 20-Year Struggle with Porn Addiction:
Tyson shares his personal story of battling a porn addiction for two decades. He discusses the impact it had on his life, relationships, and mental health, and how he finally overcame it through mindful practices and self-awareness.

The Impact of Porn on Dopamine Receptors:
Explore how pornography affects the brain's dopamine receptors, leading to addiction and decreased sensitivity to pleasure. Tyson explains the science behind this and offers insights into how to heal and restore balance.

Healthy Ways to Relate to Sexual Energy:
Learn about healthier approaches to managing and channeling sexual energy. Tyson discusses techniques and practices that can help individuals build a positive relationship with their sexuality without relying on porn.

The Underbelly of the Porn Industry:
Tyson reveals the dark side of the porn industry, including how it exploits individuals and perpetuates unhealthy sexual norms. Understand the broader societal impact and why it's crucial to seek alternatives.

Mindful Masturbation Practices:
Discover the concept of mindful masturbation, where the focus is on self-awareness and connection rather than just physical pleasure. Tyson shares practical tips on how to practice this for a healthier sexual experience.

The Importance of Elder Guidance in Sexual Development:
Tyson emphasizes the role of elder guidance in developing a healthy sexual identity. He explains how mentorship and wisdom from older, experienced individuals can provide crucial support and direction.

Techniques for Moving Sexual Energy Through the Body:
Explore various techniques for moving sexual energy through the body, such as breathwork, meditation, and physical exercises. These methods can help in managing sexual urges and improving overall well-being.

The Problem with Mainstream Approaches like NoFap:
Tyson critiques mainstream movements like NoFap, discussing their limitations and potential drawbacks. He offers a more holistic approach to overcoming porn addiction and developing a healthy sexuality.

How Pornography Affects Personal Goals and Relationships:
Understand how excessive porn consumption can derail personal goals and strain relationships. Tyson provides insights into how to rebuild and refocus your life away from porn.

Resources Mentioned:

• Tyson Adam’s instagram
• IFS (Internal Family Systems) Therapy

If you found value in this episode, please subscribe, leave a like, share it with a friend, and rate the show. Your support helps us bring more high-quality content and insightful guests to the Human Experience Podcast.

Transcript

Blake: 0:00

You talked about not being able to get an erection.

Tyson: 0:02

I

Blake: 0:02

really want to normalize

Tyson: 0:04

that. It's not your fault that you're watching porn and using it to feel better. It might even be something you're not aware that you're doing. We don't have a choice. If we ejaculate, our body's going to work really hard to reproduce our semen.

Blake: 0:14

The way that porn is hijacking our dopamine receptors, and at some point, it literally is a dopamine game. It's like, I need more dopamine.

Tyson: 0:21

You can either ejaculate when you orgasm, or you can orgasm and not ejaculate. There's all these different ways of relating to it.

Blake: 0:29

Hello and welcome to the Human Experience Podcast. My name is Blake Chalfant, and today I'm bringing you all a very special episode on all things pornography and sexuality. Today, my guest is Tyson Adams. Tyson is a trauma informed IFS men's coach, a somatic body worker, and a psychedelic facilitator. After spending 20 years addicted to pornography, he outgrew it seven years ago and has found his passion and purpose in helping other men master their life force energy. He also co facilitates men's work leadership intensives and works with couples experiencing intimacy challenges. Today's episode, we go all over the map, into everything sexuality and porn, from outgrowing porn, the dark sides of the porn industry, how to relate to your sexuality in a healthy way, and so much more. If any of those topics are resonating with you even slightly, this episode is for you. But before we get into it, if you haven't already and you're new to the channel, please subscribe, leave a like, share it with a friend, rate the show. It really helps the channel grow. It helps me get more, even better guests on the show, and it supports me in my life. So without further ado, please enjoy this episode with Tyson Adams. And just starting to notice the quality of your breathing, of your breath. And really dropping into your body right now. Feeling that anchor of your central axis. Pulling you down. Grounding you. Into your chair. Into the earth. And now inviting some big deep intentional breaths. Breathing deeply in through your nose.

Overlapping: 3:01

in what

Blake: 3:50

ever way feelings best for you. Noticing where you are at. Right now. In this moment. Inviting all aspects of your experience here. here. Welcoming. Yeah, really allowing ourselves to fully arrive here in this space with each other, coming together in this shared intention that we may be of service to the collective, to humanity, to the earth, through spoken word, through this synergy. Allowing something bigger to be present here. Yeah, and so just deeply holding this intention to be open of what wants to come through today. Hmm. Deeply honoring you and your path, all the work, all the dedication.

Overlapping: 5:34

Yeah. Yeah.

Blake: 5:39

Is there any words that you want to share in this space, brother? Any, any intention, any prayer, anything that feels present?

Tyson: 5:51

Hmm. Just, I guess, my intention is just to help men, whoever listen to this, to deeply connect to their why. That's the intention for today.

Overlapping: 6:07

Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. So inviting in a couple of last big, deep breaths before we open our eyes and come back into the space

Blake: 6:35

and taking your time. Tyson Adams. Thank you so much for being here.

Tyson: 6:42

Thank you, Blake. I'm super jazzed. And we go, we go back a little bit, a little bit, I think a couple of years ago we met. Is that correct?

Blake: 6:50

Yeah. Two years ago, probably. Now I found your work through a podcast and then ended up doing some of your courses and here we are. Yeah. So if you think about your life as a story and you think about there's these different moments, there's the rising action, there's these climaxes, you know, the falling action, and you know, there's definitely multiple climaxes, but I would love for you to take us through kind of what comes to mind when you think about. The climax of your life, like this major turning point that has brought you to who you are today.

Tyson: 7:29

Okay. All right, so My story started when I was nine. Um, and the story begins with me being, uh, just out with my friends, you know, just kind of hanging out in a field. And we came, um, to this spot where there was a board over the ground and we lifted it up and somebody had dug a hole and buried a bunch of, uh, Playboys. And I remember reaching into this big, huge pile of Playboys. And, um, finding the, the Vanna White playboy, Vanna White, uh, was, uh, Somebody I recognized because my mom watched wheel of fortune every night. And I pulled this Vanna white playboy out and I remember opening it and seeing, you know, uh, my first naked woman. And then immediately that rush that kind of flushed through my entire system. And then I kind of crouched down because obviously, you know, Oh my gosh, there's somebody looking at me. I knew that it was not okay. I knew that this was dangerous. Um, but also exhilarating. Um, and that pretty much led me into going back and forth to that spot, uh, every single day after school for months until one day they were just gone. Um, and that was really the beginning of my 20 year porn addiction. And after, uh, the playboy, uh, I was, we moved again. And then probably when I was about 11 and a half or so, um, My hometown, which was in Ephrata, Washington, Washington state, we were the first town in America to get fiber wire put underground. And so we went from no internet to high speed internet porn, uh, which, uh, there was a program back then called Kaza and it was kind of like lime wire. Um, but basically you would search and then you wouldn't actually see any thumbnails of what you were previewing. You would just search and then you would see the words and then you would just click download and then it would take some number of hours and then it would be there. And so I went from no exposure to pornography to being a prepubescent, never had a girlfriend. Um, boy, I was still not even a man yet, uh, watching hardcore pornography. And that really set me up for a lot of challenges, a lot of pain, because, you know, reflecting back and thinking back on it, um, all of that energy kind of was just stuck in my system. Uh, and that was too much, too fast, too soon for where I was at developmentally in my life. And from there, after. Uh, sort of a hellacious high school experience, um, just of my parents finding the porn and kind of taking that underground even deeper and just pretending as if nothing happened. And I ended up moving to the university of Washington or to Seattle and the university of Washington. And that's where I went to college. And when I joined the fraternity, I didn't know anything about fraternities, but my, my girlfriend at the time, her brother was there. And when I joined it was. Effectively, uh, hundreds and hundreds of porn on the server indexed by porn star and genre and so on and so forth. And so it was basically this combination of alcoholism, misogyny and porn. And we even had a porn chairman, somebody who literally organized the porn. And it was. It was this big joke, like, Hey, get off the fucking internet because at nine 30, 10 o'clock, everybody was on there watching porn. And we couldn't even, some men couldn't do homework. So I kind of grew up in the. Um, in the actual experience of porn being very, very accessible and also very normalized. So that's not really the, the actual climax story, but I'll just pause there just to give you some time to reflect on that because even that's a lot just to take in. And, you know, that's, that's sort of the, the, the, I'm, I'm turning 40, um, next month. So that's kind of where I'm at in, in the, Sort of my historical nature of magazine porn to digital porn.

Blake: 11:41

Yeah. Two things that really stand out to me. The first was when you mentioned that nine years old, it was all too much, too fast, right? Like that level of stimulation in our nervous systems as, as a nine year old, as a 10 year old, as an 11 year old, as a 12 year old, like, would you say that it's almost. Like no one that age can handle that, like, it's not just you, it's people in general. We're just not, we're not equipped to hold that much at that young of an age.

Tyson: 12:12

Yeah. You know, when you look at the word trauma, cause that's thrown around a lot, trauma is not in the event. It's not what happened to you. Trauma is the leftover energy in your nervous system. When something happens too much, too fast, too soon, or not enough, not enough over a long period of time is the neglect piece too much, too fast, too soon. It's definitely what happens with pornography. And so, yeah, I think anybody that watches pornography at a young age, um, has some leftover trauma in their system and they're not necessarily aware of that because, you know, nobody is aware of that. Defines it that way, but yes, as I've done my work to go back and to recover my young boy from the past and where he was sort of stuck through a therapeutic process, I began to see that because of the challenges that were in my life during that time. Um, you know, my dog, my dad gave away my dog. We moved homes. Um, you know, I got called gay when I was young. Um, let's see, school and sports were like super high, high stress. So all of these stressors and the sort of alcoholic home that I grew up in as a child, um, the, the pornography and the masturbation became the means for me to feel better. Ultimately, and so whenever I was sad or sick or bored or angry or anything, I didn't want to feel when I was uncomfortable, I would just go right in and log in and I would masturbate and I would feel better. And momentarily I did feel better, you know, for five, 10 minutes I would feel great, but nothing changed in my life. It just prolonged the necessary work that needed to happen, which was to really look at these things and to, to work with them therapeutically.

Blake: 13:54

Yeah, I really want to normalize this because I can hear so many people who say, you know, I've watched porn since I was 12 or whatever, but it wasn't like I didn't use it to sue their escape. You know, I just like to watch it right people who maybe aren't so aware of their their internal processes the work That it needs to be done internally like Yeah, can we let's let's go deeper into that and I really want to normalize that like Even if we're not consciously saying to ourselves at 12 years old Like i'm gonna go watch porn right now because I feel like shit and I want to feel better Like that at a deeper level that is what's best Like it turns into the parenting figure that asks us, how are you doing? I'm here for you. Like it turns into that level of, of soothing, of feeling okay. Right.

Tyson: 14:47

Yeah, it does. And the thing that I always ask, so I do, you know, five to six connection calls a week and every man that comes in and books a connection call with me and I'm chatting with them, the first question I always ask is, you know, as you were traversing that Boyhood to manhood, puberty experience, did you have any elder guidance when you were coming of age as it particularly related specifically to sexuality? Did you have anybody to help you, uh, understand what sexuality and healthy sexuality is? Um, did they, did you have conversations around how to put your raw sexual energy into good use and to create it into creativity into focus, drive and flow, you know, into any sort of productive. form of curiosity or interest that you had. And 99 percent of the men that come to me, they say, absolutely not. I had no one. And so what I want to just express is that if you're out there and you're listening and you either are listening or excuse me, you're watching a porn or you struggle with it, I just want to normalize that. Uh, we are a culture without elder guidance. We're also families without elder guidance. We're a, we're a world even without it. And so it's not your fault that you're watching porn and using it to feel better. It might even be something you're not aware that you're doing. Um, but it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. And the reason why it's your responsibility is because it is your life. And if you're watching pornography to feel better. Uh, that's actually going to prevent you from reaching your goals and your dreams. And so it's just important to, you know, to take a, just a look at that and go, okay, am I horny or am I actually being avoidant to something that needs to be addressed in my life? And that's really the important, uh, indication that something maybe, you know, is, is a little bit off. So,

Blake: 16:41

yeah. So you've, you've coached hundreds of men getting off of porn. And I'm curious, what have you learned?

Tyson: 16:50

No two men watch pornography for the same reason. No two men. So some men come to it. Um, curious. Some men come out of rebellion. Some men come, um, because other men have pressured them in and they're just trying to be cool and they're still trying to be cool. I mean, there's so many reasons why men watch pornography and I can just say that there's no one size fits all solution to creating. Uh, Hey, this is the road map. This is the plan for you to actually do this. But what I have developed over time is some practices that expedite that process, uh, in ways that, um, the therapeutic model kind of leaves out because most of the time when you're doing therapy, whether you're working with somebody. you know, in an office or whether you're working with somebody via the computer, most of it's just talk therapy. You're kind of going back and forth and outgrowing pornography is actually way more somatic and way more in the body than we might think. We might actually think

Blake: 18:00

yeah what i'm hearing you, you know speaking to and you mentioned this earlier Is that like we're not taught growing up how to move this energy through our bodies like it is raw sexual energy That's what's that's what's arising and then you know growing up for most of us We develop this pattern where it's like, okay If I feel this energy within my body that must means that I need to go watch porn and masturbate and um you know, ejaculate basically. Um, and at, at the basis, it's just like, okay, this energy is in my body. That means I need to get rid of it. Like, because that's what we have, you know, um, grown up developing. Um, and so like your approach with the massage gun and you know, the, the vocal things and, you know, I know you have other practices as well as really like learning to move that energy. And learning, learning to work with it in a way where we don't need to masturbate every single time that we feel that. And that feels, uh, so incredibly important. Like, I think that's what so many of us, myself included, like, that's, that's the big struggle is like, I don't know what to do with this energy and I'm so used to feeling it and then just automatically going and masturbating. Um, so yeah, I just wanted to highlight that. Um, I do want to get into the porn industry and just like the underbelly of what most people don't understand about the motives and things like that. I am curious though, because your approach to pornography and um, is so different than a lot of what is out there. You know, there's nofap, semen retention, all of that um, More of like nofap though. I'm curious What are your thoughts on more of like the mainstream ways that people are told that to quit porn? Like, what are your thoughts on, on that?

Tyson: 19:52

Yeah, there's, there's three sort of paths that I see. Um, I haven't really thought of it this way, so I'm glad that you asked this question. There's browser blockers, which is basically either a parent or somebody that's putting it on you or you're putting it on yourself. There's sort of the Christian and or religious path, which is, this is where you go and this is sinful. So you need to stop. And then there's sort of the. Um, secular sort of nofap movement, which is basically in the, in the name, nofap, meaning the sound when you're masturbating, which basically is a community of hundreds of thousands of men who are basically refraining from all masturbation and pornography. Um, the problem that I see with that is, is that. You know, to not masturbate anymore, to just like stop for good, um, creates a lot of problems. Um, first and foremost, your penis is a muscle and if you don't use it or work it out, then you're going to also lose your opportunity to get, uh, sex. And to maintain your erections. And so we don't want to actually just ignore it, you know, going back to the too much, too fast, too soon, or not enough over a long period of time. We also don't want to neglect our sexual energy as well, because it is the most powerful energy that we possess. So the way that I differ from these different approaches is that I teach men mindful masturbation. So mindful masturbation being, um, Uh, I call it masturbation as a death practice. So basically the idea and the question is, is if it were the last time you were going to masturbate and you knew you were going to die tomorrow and you wanted to do it intentionally, how would you do it differently than the way that you currently do it? And so then I have men sit with that, meditate on it, journal on it, and actually explore what that might look like. And what we see as we make that jump is over here. If we're reactive with our sexual energy, masturbating to porn, this is a means to feel better. And what we're doing is we're moving into masturbation and sexism means to better feel, right? So feel better, better feel. Another way to think about this is thinking your way to orgasm versus feeling your way to orgasm. You know, those are very different experiences. So as we're moving from, uh, thinking our way to feeling our way to orgasm and over here we have our orgasms versus over here, our orgasms have us. And so what I'm getting at here is, is that most men. Relate to masturbation from secrecy, silence and shame and what I'm speaking about is, is what would it look like to really make your. Mindful masturbation practice intentional. So instead of it just being a reactive thing that you do whenever you're feeling kind of shitty, what would it look like for it to be in your calendar and for it to be a day where when you get to that moment, you're excited and to set up your space, your home, you know, with great intention with music and, you know, the right ambiance and to really Get your nervous system in a really good place so that when you actually stepped into that space, you did it with a really, really high intentionality. And so that's the sort of the jump I make for, or I help men make inside of their own experience. And really, I look at this as self initiation because we don't have eldership that are here to guide us. And so every man has an opportunity to really take themselves and put themselves through these experimentations to see, Oh, what would it look like to relate to my sexual orientation? My sexual energy different. And the reason why this is important is because if you're out there and you are either with a partner or you're trying to attract a partner, the way that you masturbate is the way that you show up as a lover. And if you do it mindlessly, then that sets you up to be a crappy lover. And if you want to have confidence and you want to attract and be, you know, um, somebody who's, uh, fully embodied when you get into the experience of being with another human, that's why these practices are important.

Blake: 23:48

Yeah, I really wanted to get to this, and so I think, let's just go even deeper into this right now. Um, something that's coming through for me is like, everyone who's watched porn or like has, you know, struggled with it at some time in their life, they know the feeling of, you know, after watching porn or after watching porn for multiple days straight or whatnot. Like, just like, the life force feels completely drained. For me, it's like, My confidence is out the door. I don't even want to show myself in public. Like the thought of going up to talk to a girl is not even a question, but like what's on the other side of that spectrum, right? If, if that's what happens when we drain it in that way, well, how do we, how do we, you know, fill the cup so full that like we're radiating with that confidence, with that magnetism and whatnot. And, you know, for me, this mindful masturbation that you're speaking to starting to relate. With my sexual energy in this way has been like the ultimate cheat code for that Because I think what you were speaking to with you know The thing with nofap or browser blockers whatnot is like there's still an energy of running away from and I think for me the big Nuance here is like really been wanting to get to a place of running towards Right? Like, I don't need to look over my shoulder and be scared of when I'm gonna fall down into another porn rabbit hole. Right? Like, I can move through my life knowing that, like, there's actually not so much weight around that reach anymore. Um, and so, yeah, I think for a lot of people, especially the people that I kind of connect with with my own work and whatnot, is, like, The thought of, of mindful masturbation is, is very new. And the thought of, you know, I was talking to someone the other day and I was telling them about like how I don't even need, like, I don't even think about anything with when I masturbate because I'm like, I'm so fully in just the sensory experience of it. And like getting so much pleasure from that and i'm not trying to sound like that I'm perfect at this. I'm not always perfect at this, but this is like, you know what i'm cultivating And it's like they're like you can do that. Like you can get aroused just by the actual feelings in your body You don't need to think about You don't need to think about someone or you don't need to watch porn and like it's it's a wild thought to some people

Tyson: 26:10

Yeah, so You talked earlier when we first started, you asked about sort of like, what is your climax story? And that was my. Uh, very similar sentiment, very similar experience. I was living in Southeast Asia in Laos. I had a coffee roaster in cafe and basically, uh, I had a, a spermicidal lubricant condom that I had used and it basically set off, uh, all of these pins and needles and pain through my entire pelvic floor, my urethra, my bladder, everything. Um, and in that process of being set off, I basically couldn't masturbate. Like I couldn't. Watch pornography. I couldn't masturbate. It was so incredibly painful. And so I did 30 days of no masturbation. And this was, you know, this is nine plus years ago. Um, and when I finally decided to, you know, come out of that experience, I had that question in my head, which is something similar to what you just said, which is can I even masturbate without watching porn or, Without thinking about a past X or without having sex. And because I had never done it, I had literally masturbated to pornography or been sexual with somebody for 20 years. I didn't even know that it was possible. And so my sort of aha moment was instead of. Thank you. My way to sex. I just looked at the moon and just stared at it and I just masturbated while I was just staring at the moon. And as I channeled with the moon, I ended up having what, you know, in reflection, you know, I had my like first orgasm. So in other words, Most of my life, it was just like, and then I went to like, and having my first full blown, like multi orgasmic experience where by which I was like, Oh, that's a real orgasm. All the other orgasms that I had were just as like a sneeze. It was just like, it was just to feel better. And that went over here. Sort of radically shifted my identity. It was almost like an identity changer. I was like, Oh my God, that's actually what I've been seeking. And that's what is available to me and to all men. And that's the path that I've been on now, kind of helping men to reach that, which is, can we feel our way to orgasm instead of think our way. And once we do that, then we're so incredibly present with our partners. And we have so much confidence as well. On

Blake: 28:30

average, I'm curious, how long does that process seem to take of needing porn to, um, to get up and then going from just like being able to be eroticized and find pleasure just being in the bodily experience of it?

Tyson: 28:48

Yeah, so there's a, there's a guy I know that told me that it took him about two years to make that process. I would say for me, um, I I would say it took me about, truthfully, five years of therapy, several men's intensives, hundreds of psychedelic journeys, um, lots of embodiment practices before I stumbled into it. But then once it started to open, It started to open very quickly. So I would say it's less about how much time it'll take. And it's more about, do you know a teacher or somebody who's already like accessed it? Because if you can find somebody that's accessed it, they can actually teach you. Then I think that the process is actually very, very, uh, straightforward. The problem is, is there's very few people that have accessed it and there's very few people that teach it. And then there's also very few people that teach it well. And so we just don't have. It's like trying to learn something that you, you literally don't even know what the, what the, what the aim is or what the destination would look or sound or feel like. So it's stumbling, right? It took me years and years of just stumbling into these practices in order to find it and learn it. Um, and now that I've accessed it, I can actually direct men to do it. Like quite quickly, you know, like my whole thing is, is from porn addiction to multi orgasmic in 12 weeks. Like that's the path that I take men on so that. They get to that next level of evolution where they're like, Oh my gosh, I'm alive again. I feel good. So yeah.

Blake: 30:35

What is it? What is multi orgasmic?

Tyson: 30:39

It means most men don't understand that ejaculation and orgasm are separate. Most people You know, men relate to if I'm ejaculating, that's the only form of orgasm and that's not true. So if we can separate the two, then we can begin to understand that we can have orgasms without ejaculating and many different types of orgasms. I've mapped 10 different types of orgasms inside of my own experience just over the years and, and I teach those as well. But, you know, you can either. ejaculate when you orgasm or you can orgasm and not ejaculate. And there's all these different ways of relating to it. And, um, yeah, it's, it's all kind of just fun sort of sex magic, but it's also just, you know, you're just playing and you're like, Oh, what's that do when I add that breath? Or I, Oh, I add that toy or I add that practice or, Oh, I do it outside or I stand up instead of lay down or like, Oh, I'm, you know, I'm, Exploring a different way of being. There's all kinds of things that you can tweak if you feel curious and you can kind of move through different ideas. So.

Blake: 31:47

Excited to explore that more. And also like, you know, what you were saying with the journey from, from, you know, porn addiction to being able to ejaculate without it. And multiple orgasmic and all of that. It's like, what I'm hearing you say is there's so many different aspects to that journey of healing from porn addiction there, you know, there's like, you know, you use parts work, psychedelics, uh, men's work, like all these different layers that it's really so complex. And I've tracked that within my own experience. It's, It's, you know, this like no FAP approach of just stop watching and then you're good. It's like to really work through this, it's so multifaceted. And so I want to break down each part. Um, and we don't have to go so deeply in it, but I do really want you to speak about the porn industry. Um, it really blew my mind what you were speaking about and how they target our, our own past wounding. And, um, yeah, so I'll go for it.

Tyson: 32:40

Yeah.

Blake: 32:41

So

Tyson: 32:43

what I'll say is, is that. Our life force has been commercialized. And what I mean by that is if things are free, you are the product. So when you're scrolling on Instagram or Facebook or Pornhub, they're feeding you ads and their aim is to have you click that ad so that they can get paid. And When things are free, then effectively you're paying with your time and your energy. And ultimately, you know, uh, porn is the thing that takes the most of our energy. Yes, social media, of course, takes our time and our energy because we're just there and we're wasting it. By just scrolling, but when we ejaculate to pornography, what men don't understand is, is that there's a physiological issue here. It's not just an energetic one. And what I mean by that is, is, you know, in our semen and to produce our prep, like, oppress our prostate fluid, we have vitamins, minerals, proteins, amino acids, and sugars. Right. And it's actually quite a lot. And so when that's going out faster than we can reproduce it, Um, then our, we're low of energy and that pulls on the hypothalamus and it also pulls on our entire endocrine system. And um, That's an autonomic function, meaning we don't have a choice if we ejaculate, our body is going to work really hard to reproduce our, you know, our, our semen. And, and so the reason why I share that is just to, to say that, like, the hypothalamus is the remote control of our lives. It regulates our mood, our sleep, our memory, our hunger, our thirst. Um, what else? Um, our body temperature. Right. And so if we're jacketing too much, and then our induction system working on overdrive, then we get out of whack and every other area of our life. And so we're. We're often very dysregulated. Our nervous systems are out of control. And what happens when we're out of control is, is then we have these other addictions that come in, come in. So for some men it's reaching for Adderall, other men it's reaching for caffeine, other men it's reaching for sugar, other men it's reaching for Netflix. Um, and so the point being is, is that when we're dysregulated or even. like girlfriends, you know, like just being addicted to love. Right. So it's like, when we, when we get destabilized from too much porn and masturbation, then we start to reach for other shit to bring us back up. And then that feeds into these other addictive tendencies. Um, and why that's important just to, you know, to, you know, Put a sort of, uh, an exclamation point on this is, you know, from a Dallas perspective, which is different than the physiological stuff I just shared, like, they equate 1 drop of semen equal to 30 drops of blood. And so the point is, is, like, they look at it as, like, it's very, very. Incredibly important, meaning it's, it's powerful, powerful energy. And so the point is, is like, would you, would you give blood every single day? Well, no, that would be absolutely ridiculous to give blood. You'd, you wouldn't be able to regenerate it fast enough. So why do we ejaculate every single day? You know, it just doesn't make any sense. And nobody's, Nobody's actually challenged the narrative because we've been sold our orgasms through media, through sex, through, you know, everything, whether it's here, you know, go to this gym membership so that you can pump iron in order to get big in order to have sex, or here buying this t shirt so that you look sexy, you know, here you need this, you know, this Viagra in order to like last, you know, to have a hard, you know, hard erection or whatever, right? Yeah. Everyone and everything inside of our society is selling you your own orgasms, whether we're aware or not. And so it takes Uh, us to be able to say no to that, we have to actually be like angry, like we have to find our internal no to the porn industry because they're going to, they don't care about how old you are or your goals or your dreams or any of the things that you care about there. You're just going to continue taking and taking and taking because that's how they get paid. So we have to find our internal no. And when we find that no, what we're really doing is we're saying yes. To the life that we're bringing in and the life that we're calling in and that's our why and so when, and you know, before we started this call, you asked about my intention. My intention for this, for those that are listening is, is for men to begin to understand that if we don't, if we're not connected to our, why. It's very difficult to stop watching pornography because if we're, if we really can't see the future version of ourselves being in relationship and calling in that family and being successful in our career or being, um, healthy in our body, in our mind, in our spirit, if we can't see that, if we're not willing to imagine that and to move towards it, Then it's very, very difficult to say no to this thing. That's never going to reject us. And it's always here taking and taking and taking from us. You see what I mean there?

Blake: 37:51

Yeah, that lands so deep for me. Um, something that's been a more recent thing for me, and it's not something that I necessarily consciously chose to start doing as some like tool does not watch porn or whatever it is. It didn't like really. Feeling and thinking about like this future partner that I'm calling in that I'm that I am attracting it's like in those moments I'm feeling i'm like almost imagining myself Like meeting her right and walking up to her and feeling the energy within my body when I do that And it's like when I feel that and how I want to actually meet her and show up for her, the last thing I want to do is go watch porn. The last thing I want to do is just like completely drain my life force energy because when that happens it's like, you know, I just want to run away. I don't want to, I don't want to meet someone like that. I don't want to meet them in that state. So yeah, finding your why that feels so incredibly powerful. And what you said too around um, porn being this thing that never says no, that never rejects you. Right and never questions your performance, right? That feels so important and you know, I'm I I've never really explored only fans but that feels like another just another layer of that, you know, these these these people on only fans who are kind of Manipulating you to think that they're talking directly to you Right, like they made these videos for you specifically and like at some deep like Biological level like we feel that So I'm curious, you know, I want to get to the hopeful nature within this conversation but I would like to explore a little bit kind of the dystopic path that it seems like is emerging within pornography human sexuality Like, what do you see? Where do you see that we're going?

Tyson: 39:48

Yeah. So going back to sort of the eroticized wounding, um, porn companies understand that there are lots of, that there is lots of sexual trauma that's moving through the world. And so the nature of the genres that are created and the, um, the, the kinks that are created by porn, um, are, um, Effectively, um, commercializing our, our wounding, they're commercializing the traumas that we have because we, Had something happened to us in the past. It wasn't consensual. It wasn't okay. Whether that's in our awareness or not, and then we're drawn to that similar type of pornography because we're trying to make sense of what happened to us. So an example is, is I used to watch lesbian pornography, you know, and that was my kink. And as I started to do my therapeutic process, I started to see like, oh, there was that thing that happened when I was young. Involving two other little girls and myself and our parents came in and saw that and then they took the belt to us and it was really violent. And then we got hurt for that. Right? So that got woven up into my psyche is something that was arousing. And so that's why I was going back to those types of that type of that genre of porn. And then also. Attracting those types of women into my life as well. Right? And so it's important to understand that that pornography and what your search terms are, are the gateway into your deeper healing because that's what you're finding arousing. And not all men, I think it's about one in every three men, but one in every three men, actually, uh, as they watch pornography, it takes them deeper and deeper and deeper into more and more novel porn. And that can lead into some very, uh, I would just say dark places of the internet. So not everybody escalates into dark, darker porn, but, but one out of three men does. And that can be one of those things where all of a sudden you wake up one day and you're like, Whoa, what the hell am I watching? Like I'm eroticizing something that is scary or making me anxious or it doesn't feel good in my own system. Um, and so just being aware of that, you know, that that's the way that these companies work. And then as far as the dystopic kind of reality and look, I will say that. Uh, from a big picture level, you know, like, do we have a porn problem worldwide? And what I did was I looked at the top 30 websites, um, in America in terms of search term volume. And five of those websites are porn sites, Pornhub, X Hamster, XX, VX or something, X videos and Onlyfans. These are the top five porn sites. Well, those top five porn sites get 6. 35 billion visits per month. And so then I was like, okay, well, how, how many of those visitors are actually ejaculating? Because not all of them are men and not everybody's coming there to ejaculate. So I was like, okay, I'll take it down to 5 billion. So not 6. billion ejaculations every month. And then I thought to myself, well, how much ejaculation is that? You know, like if one ejaculation is a tablespoon, how much actual semen is that? And I basically did the calculation through a little online calculator. And that's one Olympic sized pool of cum every single day that's just going into nothing going into the void. Right? So when people say, do we have a porn problem? I say, yeah, we have a radical porn problem and it's increasing radically because that's just the top five websites. That's not the thousands and thousands of websites that are out there. And, um, frankly, that's not any of the AI related porn, the VR related porn, uh, the virtual reality girlfriends, um, and any of the other tech like technologies that are out there that are also being weaponized against us and commercializing our life force, which is a whole other monkey. So

Blake: 43:48

did you see the article on giving Starlink to the indigenous tribe in the Amazon and that started watching porn?

Tyson: 43:55

Yeah. Yeah. It was terrifying. I was like, first, first and foremost, they don't, when I say they don't need, I'm obviously projecting, but when I've, I lived in the jungle, I lived in Laos in these villages that literally had no internet. And while I was living there in the jungle, they got internet and a lot of them couldn't pay for it. So they would come to my cafe and they would. Steal the wifi. They would sit below the cafe and I would open up my window and I would look down and I would see these teenage boys with the blanket over them all sitting there watching porn together. Cause I could look down and I could see what they were doing. And so here is these indigenous cultures around the world that I've been a part of that are now, you know, being given internet for the first time. And their, their parents have no idea what's going on. They don't know what's going on. There's no guardrails and they're being just, you know, Pushed into the warped world of pornography at, you know, the coming out of effectively like jungle life where they literally live one with the, with nature in connection with spirit. And then they're moving right into that bubble. And I'm just like, wow, this is, this is a scary time we're in right now.

Blake: 45:12

Yeah. It speaks so much to. The power of these technologies to hijack just human biology, you know, these, these humans that are living connected with nature who are deeply connected to, to story and culture and, and still, you know, are being hooked on on porn. It, it felt very telling to see that, um, a couple things that you mentioned that I would just, I just want to bring through before we move on. One was when you were talking about, um, The physiology of releasing our semen and how, how many nutrients are actually in our semen that we don't even realize. I remember you talking about how you were masturbating a bunch. You couldn't gain weight, even though that you're working out. And then when you stopped and you started to hold your semen more that you just, you started gaining muscle finally. Um, And I think that's worth mentioning for sure. I think a lot of people would want to know that.

Tyson: 46:12

Yeah. I think it's, it's an interesting thing because in reflection of how lethargic I was and how much I slept as a teenager through those years, I mean, I mean, I was, I was releasing at least once, if not twice a day, every day and anytime I felt anxious and so it delayed my puberty now in reflection, like it absolutely delayed puberty for me, plus. Uh, I was, you know, 155 pounds. Like I couldn't gain muscle. I, even though I was lifting, I just wasn't able to because, you know, my testosterone was basically going out faster than they can rebuild. And so I just imagine what I would have been like if I had. You know, just had any sort of semen retention practices as somebody in high school. Cause I was, I was the captain of the basketball and baseball team. Um, I was 3. 8 students. So like on the honor roll and everything. And yet it was hard for me to keep my eyes open at school. I would get into practice and I would be completely drained. And I had no idea that it was related to masturbation. I just thought, That my diet was kind of messed up or whatever, but it was absolutely just being so, so drained. So yeah, it's, uh, if you're out there and you're in that, you know, that stage that you're still in school, let's say you're listening to this and you're in high school, you're in college and you're having difficulty with your attention. I mean, again, your ability to focus a lot of people ADHD issues. As soon as you stop or as soon as you start retaining your semen, all of a sudden, it's not going to go away like all the way, but your ability to sit and concentrate and to to learn and to actually store that memory into something that actually, uh, you take with you. Massively improve overnight. You'll feel it. It's really, really like obvious once you start doing it.

Blake: 48:09

Yeah I feel like something worth considering for anyone who is has some sort of struggle with energy levels gaining muscle Whatever it is. Not that it is the reason but it's worth considering like giving it a try One other piece that I want to highlight. It's about dark porn and like just how For a lot of people that get hooked on porn, they continually start watching, uh, darker and darker categories getting more and more complex. That feels like, you know, there's so much conversation around, or I'll say that there is a growing conversation around porn, but a lot of it is coming from people like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Huberman, who are just like, don't watch porn. It's not good for you kind of thing. Like, which there is a space for that. And I don't think it's actually fully useful. And I think this conversation around dark porn is not talked about nearly enough and is so Important and I think is a big part of a lot of people's experience um this Feeling of waking up one day and realizing what you're watching And just being like what the fuck like, how did I get to this point? uh, you know like Straight straight men watching gay porn for example, like You And I think like that compared to other things, it's pretty vanilla, but like, like even that piece, for example, is so can be so confusing. And, uh, yeah, I just don't think there's enough context out there in the world right now, enough conversation around it, because for most people that are having that experience, they have zero context and they are in piles of shame. And just like, what is wrong with me? What is going on? Um, yeah, so I, I just think it's a really important piece to, to bring up.

Tyson: 50:05

Yeah, so the darkest porn that I've seen, the darkest porn that's out there is this genre of pornography, um, called sissy hypnoporn. Have you heard of this type of pornography?

Blake: 50:19

I've heard you talk about it.

Tyson: 50:21

Yeah, so for those of you who are out there, maybe you've seen it. Please don't go Google it if you haven't seen it. But if you are watching it, just understand that it's the most dangerous. And this is a type of pornography that's designed to, um, uh, teach men to hate their own bodies and to transition to becoming a. And the reason why I say it's dangerous is because, you know, from a soul level, I look at things very flexibly. You know, I don't believe that we're any gender. I think at a soul level, we're both gender and neither nor gender. That's kind of my, my way of looking at this. And when you look at Carl Jung's, you know, hermaphrodite archetype, you can start to see that there's something very beautiful. about, uh, the balance of feminine masculine energies in an individual, whether that woman, whether that's a woman or whether that's a man. But there is this particular type of porn called Sissy Hypno, where basically it brainwashes you into, um, cutting off your penis and becoming a woman. And I actually know somebody who actually did that. Like literally the pornography took them all the way to the place where they went to Thailand and did the surgery. Then they went down into the Amazon and did some plant medicine and realized, Oh my gosh, this was a program. And then they transitioned back to being a man. And so having now worked with, Six or seven men who have been addicted to this particular genre. Uh, the way that it works is they put binaural beats into the music. So it's like kind of sound, right? Plus they put subtitles on the, on the actual page. And then it's basically trans people with a lot of just, High dopamine sort of money shots. And so instead of a storyline, it's just like flashing, flashing, flashing as if you're like at a rave kind of thing. It's just hitting you, hitting you, hitting you, keeping you really, really aroused. And the people that come to me and have connection calls that are watching this, they're actually terrified because they can't stop. It's not just once a day, they're doing it three to five times a day. And it's really, really highly addictive. And what it does is it basically tells you, you know, you need to, uh, become a woman and you need to worship other men's cocks effectively. That's the message. And um, it's really dangerous and men can get into this and within 30 days, all of a sudden they're, they're telling their family and their girlfriends, everything that they are a woman now. And this particular genre of pornography went from 150, 000. In Reddit forum now to almost half a million, just, just since COVID hit. So it's exploding in popularity and it's really just. Taking taking men by storm and it's really really dangerous.

Blake: 53:03

Yeah, that's scary I mean if you think about it, though Like the way that porn is hijacking our dopamine receptors and at some point it literally is a dopamine game, right? It's like I need more dopamine. I need more dopamine and it's it's It's almost bypassing our conscious thought of what we actually like and don't like. At some point it feels just like such a pure biological physio physiological thing. And so, yeah. I mean, I think that's probably like, yeah, at some point when everything else isn't doing it, like, we end up at something like that. And we're just like, what the fuck? And this is all that, this is the only thing that can give me that sense of a dopamine hit. Um. Yeah, just to wrap up the kind of dystopic path we just explored, you know, one thing that I think about a lot is how these younger generations and, you know, my generation as well, I mean, 2030, we were kind of at the tail end. I didn't grow up with TikTok, but I had Snapchat and Instagram and everything. Thank God I didn't have TikTok. But, you know, these, these, The generations now that are growing up, it's like basic social skills, talking to strangers, approaching random people. Like they feel like, you know, things that are being left in the past, like basic human pieces that we are forgetting about. And, um, and so I just think about the amount of young people today that are You know, in who are just always in the room on their phone who don't have as many close relationships anymore who aren't as good at socializing like porn is like the perfect answer that it's like you don't have to leave your room and you'll have this person be right here with you that doesn't criticize you. You don't have to have social skills to interact with this, with this thing. Um, and so, yeah, it is, it is scary for me to think about that.

Tyson: 54:59

Yeah, it's effectively a pseudo relationship. So when we don't have the secure attachment of another human being, we are naturally drawn to create pseudo relationships. Pseudo relationships could be with, you know, an idea of who you are. It could be a car that you really like. It could also be pornography or a cam, a camming, you know, site, you know, like OnlyFans or a cam site where you literally have, you know, An actual real person on the other side and you feel like you're in a relationship, but you're really not. It's just a transactional experience and both parties are using each other as a means to feel better. Effectively. One party is using, you know, money in order to extract money, you know, the female side, the male side is, is effectively, you know, uh, you know, uh, empowering that. That, that wheel by, by actually pulling out their dollars and actually paying for it. But it's not real as much as it seems and feels real because the animal part of the brain is, you know, hundreds of thousand years old. It actually doesn't know any different. It's like, Oh, I'm having a novel mate. I'm spreading my seed. Every time I ejaculate to an image on the screen, I'm making a more, I'm making a baby. Well, that part of us drives us more than the reality that, no, that's actually not a real relationship. That's actually not true. You didn't actually have a connection with that individual, even though your brain thinks it, because it's very old part of the brain. So

Blake: 56:23

what would you say to, let's say like a 16 year old who's maybe watching this? They're wondering what actually is normal like they've been watching porn since they were nine years old Let's say they've never really had sexual experiences. They've never They didn't have a mentor and elder in their life who really sat them down and like mentored them through sexuality Coming into their sexuality like if that was definitely a part of my journey, like what actually is normal, right? um Yeah, what's normal?

Tyson: 57:01

What would I say? I'm going to just speak more spontaneously to my 16 year old self because that'll be a little easier. Um, I would say, I would say to him, trying to think back, okay, so 15, freshman year, sophomore year. Yeah, I would say, What you don't realize that you're doing is that you're setting yourself up to having a lot of pain in your relationships. Because the things that you're being programmed to do, you're gonna ask your partners to do those things, and those things are not gonna feel good or safe or natural to your partner. And it's gonna cause a lot of pain. Uh, anxiety for the both of you and likely that relationship is going to have an expiration date because the pressure that you put on your partner to perform for you in the way in which you've been programmed is going to cause them at some point someday to leave you and that's going to cause you a lot of pain. So that's, That's literally what happened to me. And so that would be the message I would give to myself. And that's also a message I would give to all 16 year olds because the porn teaches you this is what sex is and therefore we begin to do the things or act in particular ways that we've seen online and sex becomes this thing that's basically pop culture. It's not sacred and it's not intentional. And if we didn't have media, we didn't have the internet. Let's just say it. We're backing up to, you know, the, the, the, before the internet happened in the nineties, if you met. A girl at your school and you'd never watched porn, you guys would naturally come together and you would figure out how to kiss and you would figure out, oh, what is a breast and what is an erection? And, oh, that's how the vagina works. And that would all be a mutually unique and beautiful unfolding and flowering. It would be a discovery that would be novel and unique. Um, I said that twice, but what I mean by unique is like. You would, it would be novel. That's the most important word. The experience would be novel instead of this is what sex is and therefore I know what to do. And so I'm going to do with the thing that I've been programmed to do. And that takes all the excitement, the joy, the fun, the mystery out of it. And it basically makes it to be this thing where a lot of, if you go on Reddit forum and you look at a lot of teenagers, they, If they watch a lot of porn, they actually, they contact me sometimes and they actually can't get an erection with their partner because they're so used to masturbating to pornography that the dopamine in their brain is not enough with an actual real human being. And that's another issue that I see with young men as well.

Blake: 1:00:01

Yeah, yeah, I think asking what is what actually is normal is the wrong question because normal is relative to where we're at right now And what is normal right now is what we're trying to you know, heal from and rewrite being here on this podcast. And so Maybe what is healthy? I don't even like that word healthy but you know the big piece that you brought through that feels important is the performance based mindset. And like, I think that's a great starting place of like, are you relating to your partner in a place of like, I need to prove myself, like I need to like, you know, fuck her as hard as I possibly can. And like, because importance, like I need to make her scream as loud as she can. And like all of those things, it's like, that's rooted in this performance based mindset. Like, I think that's a great place to start in sort of coming back into a place of, uh, Maybe balance is a better word than, than healthy, but yeah, like a healthy way of relating to your partner in, uh, in sexual experiences.

Tyson: 1:01:02

Yeah. And I'll, I'll piggyback on that and say porn trains you that. Orgasm is the destination that ejaculation is what we're going for. And unfortunately, that's actually not true, right? If we practice seam retention, and then we learn how to, uh, have ejaculatory choice, which ejaculatory choice is my way of saying that you can come when you choose to and not prematurely when you don't want to. Then what you can do is you can make love for an hour or two hours and you can do that multiple times a day. Over the course of many days, and that is a very different experience that you'll never see in pornography, right? Most porn, it's a 10 minute climax. It's all focused on the male and the woman screaming. And it's just that. And so then you're thinking, okay, my goal is, is to, to, to ejaculate. Well, if you remove ejaculation from the table, a whole other story. Reality opens up in the way in which you make love and you begin to start to see like, Oh my gosh, I don't even need to ejaculate. And in fact, when I don't, I actually still have my life force and I feel great and then I can carry that energy out into my life and into my day. And so that's not going to ever be shown on, you know, in pornography cause it's just, it's not like they're commercializing your life force. They're not trying to have you retain it and to keep it. Um, and then the second piece that I'll say around this is, um, Most pornography, I remember there was a study done in 2015, and it was looking at the top 50 porn videos of the year, looking across platforms and seeing which are the most popular and it was like 89 percent of those videos had. some form of violence inside of that pornography. And so what I mean by violence is either racist comments or, you know, uh, an abnormal amount of like hurting or hitting or spanking or anything that's like really, um, you know, just aggressive, uh, including if there were, uh, situations where it was like gender related stuff, me or not gender, but racist related stuff, you know, those types of things. All get woven into pornography and we're not even aware of it, right? We're eroticizing violence and non consent where it's, it's acting right? Effectively. And you know, when you look at female pornography, like female porn stars and you interview them, you'll hear them say like, Oh no, like, I'm not screaming because it feels good. I'm, I'm just screaming because it's an, it's an act. And my whole thing on that is, is they're doing that, they're screaming as pleasure, but really they're actually screaming because it hurts. It's like, they're not actually. in the, in the enjoyment of the sexual experience. And so why that's important is, is if you're out there and you're watching porn, you have to remember that and realize that you're actually eroticizing violence into your own body. And so then when you bring that into your own system and then you're done and then you don't feel regulated, it's not only that you're low on life force, but you also, you're bringing that energy into your own system and now you don't feel safe in your own body. So, again, as we move out of pornography, we begin to be regulated and we become safe in our own system. And that allows for us to be natural in the world when we're bidding for connection, when we're actually approaching somebody who we want, we would want to date. So that's the importance of why you do this work.

Blake: 1:04:35

That's the why. That's the why. Yeah, something that I want to mention before moving on, you talked about not being able to get an erection, like, I really want to normalize that. That's been a part of my experience and past sexual experiences and the amount of shame that I've carried through that. And maybe it's going soft in the middle of having sex, or maybe it's just not even being able to get, to get hard in the, in the very beginning, it's like, the more that I've talked to other people about this, it's so normal. It's happened to so many people, but especially as men, it's something that no one really talks about, right? So then I think I'm the only one, I think I'm broken, I'm, you know, there's so much shame there. Um. Yeah, I'm curious. You've, have you found that to be true with all the men that you've worked with? And, um, those kinds of experiences are just pretty normal.

Tyson: 1:05:27

Yeah. So when I was in Laos and I had that experience where I put on the spermicidal lubricant, and then I had all that pain through my urethra, which caused me to do 30 days of no masturbation, I didn't know what it was. And it was, it was actually a chronic bladder disorder called interstitial bladder cystitis. It was something that runs in my family that was released in my system. Um, and. All of the doctors in Bangkok and India and all over that part of the world. And even Western doctors, they thought it was bacterial. They thought it was fungal. So they basically gave me a bunch of antibiotics and that tanked my nervous system. And I ended up having my testosterone levels drop radically to the point where like, I, uh, was somewhere in the like high two hundreds, but it was dangerously low. That even led to suicidal thoughts because I was like, so depressed with my T levels so low. And in that process of Not being able to get an erection. I literally couldn't get it up. I even questioned my own sexuality. I was like, well, maybe I'm gay, you know? So I watched gay pornography and like my penis didn't go up. And I was like, Oh my God, I have actual, there's something wrong with my body. Like physiologically speaking, this is not a psychological. issue. And there are different types of erectile dysfunction issues. There's psychological ones, there's hormonal ones, there's chemical ones, there's spiritual ones. There's a lot of different ways to unpack this. But what I can say is, is as my testosterone built back up, I was able to finally get my erections back and I was really glad. But that said, I had not only because of the interstitial bladder cystitis, I had premature ejaculation issues, which was like, as soon as I I mean, we're talking like one pump and I would basically come. And I would also have erectile dysfunction issues because I still was in that process of getting my erections back because my testosterone was so low. And so what I can say by that, or what I can say about that, is that's terrifying to the male psyche because we're taught from a very young age that you should be ready, you should be hard and erect and ready to fuck, and if you're not, then you're not worthy of that queen or that Disney character or whatever it is. Right? So the point is, is that we end up being in this state of anxiety if we have premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction and Porn, you know, they, they all have, they're all taken by Agra. I wouldn't say all, but most of them are taken by Agra. And so they basically hack the system. And so you're like, Oh my gosh, like I'm not hard like that guy and I lose it. Right. And, and why this is important for me to normalize is that for me, I was fearful of losing my relationship because of that meaning that I was overwhelmingly looping in my own psyche. And I was having all this performance anxiety that if I come too quickly, or if I lose my my erection, this relationship is over and it's done. And so that's the reason why we can over function. And then that creates more of that anxiety. And then that means we don't relax. And so then we're just on edge. And then, of course, we can't get an erection and maintain it when we're not loose and relaxed. So I just want to say that even now, as somebody who has ejaculatory control, who has strong erections, has gotten to a place where I'm like able to make love for hours if I choose to. The point is, is that that there still are times when the erection doesn't, where the erection is not fully hard, where your penis is going to go down and where you're going to do that. And just understand that it ebbs and it flows. And as you get really attuned to mindful masturbation, you begin to see like, 30 minutes to 45 minutes or even an hour. I'm going to come in and out of many different directions through that process. I'm going to get aroused. I'm going to stay with it for a while. It's going to go back down. It's going to get aroused again. It's going to go back down. And you begin to realize like, oh, once I'm hard and it goes back down, there's nothing to fear. It's actually quite natural for it to come and go and come and go. And that's okay. So if you're out there and you're, you're going through that, um, my heart goes out to you because I know how that feels and it's, it's, it's actually okay. So just. Don't freak out. It's totally natural. And you got to remember that you, you need to feel relaxed and safe in your own body in order to get erection and to maintain it.

Blake: 1:09:54

Yeah. The segues perfectly into shame, which is something that I really wanted to talk about. And through my own exploration on my path with sexuality, masturbation, everything pornography, uh, it feels like one of the most important parts of this journey is my relationship with shame. Um, And it feels like the biggest, uh, block in actually moving forward and making progress. So yeah, let's talk about shame. Cool.

Tyson: 1:10:29

So one of my mentors is a guy named David Bedrick. If you are out there, just open your phone, go to Facebook or Instagram and follow him. He's amazing. He's an elder, he's a shame researcher, and he's really helped me to understand what What shame is and what it's not and where it comes into the system. And basically what he's helped me to understand is, is that shame enters the system where there is a silent witness. And so what I mean by silent witness is I'll take, for example, my story when I was a child, my dad was an alcoholic and, um, and that was scary for me. There was violence in the home. My mom, she witnessed those experiences, um, but didn't necessarily have the complete power to intervene and to actually. Help me in those processes. And so in that case, even though my mom didn't want that to happen, she was the silent witness to what was happening because she wasn't able to intervene. So what happens is, is if we are in a position where something's happened to us, that's, let's say, non consensual or abusive or harmful, and there's nobody there to validate it or they deny it. Meaning that they either say that didn't happen to you, or he would never do that, or they gaslight you, or they just walk away, or there was just nobody there at all. That's where, uh, we have a collapsed part of us because we take it on and we say to ourselves something like, Oh, well, if it's no big deal, then I guess I deserve that on some level. And that thing that happened to me was, was my fault. And I'm, I'm the one that deserves that on some level. And porn is a really tricky one because most boys watch porn. In, you know, in isolation, meaning nobody knows that they're watching it. And so there's a silent witness, which is that there's nobody there to validate that what's happening is non consensual. And that is. hurtful and harming. And there's nobody there to tell them, Hey, like if that doesn't feel good to you, you don't have to do that. You don't have to watch that. That's not a good idea. Right. And so we have a collapsed part of our own psyche. That's not there to stand up to the porn to say no. And then the last piece I'll say with, with, with shame is, you know, a lot of like Brené Brown teaches, you know, this sort of concept, which is like shame is, um, You know, I'm not worthy of love and belonging. And that's one way you could look at it. You could look at it from, I'm not worthy of love and belonging, but I would say more so it's, it's less about, I'm not worthy of love and belonging, and it's more about, Oh my gosh, something's happened to me that doesn't feel good. And there was nobody in my life to validate that that thing that happened was not okay. There's nobody there to say, Hey, I'm sorry, I wasn't there to protect you, or I'm sorry. I put you with the babysitter that hurt you, or I'm sorry, you know, that I turned the other way when I saw you watching porn, but I didn't come in and, and, you know, and check in on you or, or I'm sorry that when I did catch you watching porn, I yelled and screamed at you instead of brought you closer and had a real thorough conversation. Right. When we have a shaming witness to something that happens in our life. That's where shame enters. And then we learn from that shaming witness or that silent witness to not attune to what feels good or doesn't feel good in our own systems. Yeah. What's that bring up for you when you hear, hear that take on shame?

Blake: 1:14:08

Yeah. The shaming witness piece for sure. I mean, I think about it, maybe. Your parents, you know told you not to watch porn because it's not good or because you you're a church family and Christians don't do that because it's sinful but like as a culture, you know that our culture is a shaming witness, right? Yeah, watching porn like has such a stigma to it such like a weird a weirdness to it We're told that we're not supposed to do that. It's not okay Um, so I think about that as as like a huge part of the shaming witness. Um, You

Tyson: 1:14:44

Yeah.

Blake: 1:14:44

As you were sharing that,

Tyson: 1:14:46

I had this sort of flash. Like if I was a father and my 16 year old boy was watching porn or girl was watching pornography and I walked into their room, for example, and I caught them in that experience, I, I would just, you know, I would probably say, Hey, can we have a conversation, you know, and hopefully they would feel okay with that. And I would be like, Hey. Let's look at this together and I would probably sit down and I'd say, what is it, what is it that you're looking at here? Why is this interesting to you? What is what's happening here? Oh, wow. Interesting. That that's what this pornography is. Interesting. What do you notice here like about this scene? What is, why is this, Exciting for you. And I would actually dialogue with, with my son or daughter about that. Maybe not in the exact moment. I would obviously let them kind of get cleared up. But my point is, is to be an unshamed witness is to normalize that the poor is not going away. The sexual stuff's not going away. Can we be courageous enough to sit with somebody in their exploration of their own sexual, their own sexuality and to not. Uh, have them feel as if they need to do this in secrecy, silence and shame and do this where they have to go away from everybody else. Like, is there an opportunity here to actually create connection instead of deeper, deeper shame them for their behavior?

Blake: 1:16:15

So nourishing to hear that and to feel into that. That unfolding of what you just shared and it's so drastically different than you know What happened for me and what what happens for so many people today and what we've been Kind of indoctrinated with as a as a culture. Um Yeah, I also think about um, like the shaming response. Um Not just within pornography but also within these sexual experiences that you were sharing where it's not getting hard or whatnot And this conditioning of how we're supposed to be as men proving ourselves in that performative way like gosh I mean, I think that's what crushes so many people in those kinds of moments is like It goes against everything that we believe we're supposed to be and supposed to do and that What is happening to me not getting hard not being able to get up not being able to pleasure My woman is not okay It's just not okay. Um, and so that feels important. And then also, to me,

Tyson: 1:17:15

to me, that's not necessarily as much of a shame piece. It's more of a, um, I'm not worthy piece. It's more like if I can't pleasure my partner and I can't bring them to orgasm or I can't stay hard, then I'm not worthy of this connection. Or I'm not, you know, I'm not actually, uh, I'm not a man effectively, you know, like that's, that's the narrative that I see that's happening in the collective unconscious when that's happening. Um, but some men will say, I feel shame. But I wouldn't necessarily say that they may, they may not be using that term properly in that moment. You know what I mean?

Blake: 1:17:53

Yeah, as we start to wrap this up, I really want to bring it home for, you know, for, for the person who is, you know, deeply struggling with porn, who doesn't have, you know, who, who didn't know about you before this and who, who isn't really in these, these worlds, but is wanting to get better knowing that they need to get better without going into so much detail. Cause I know it's very context dependent, like what are these main pillars of kind of the journey forward?

Tyson: 1:18:23

Yeah, I would say first one is this by massage gun. Go on Amazon. I like sharper image. It's a great massage gun and begin the process of working with your energy because as you've watched a lot of porn, that energy is in your system. So go ahead and massage your entire body and learn how to move energy out of your system that no longer feels good to you. So there's an energetic hygiene and cleansing process that's required in order to feel free in your own system. Thank you.

Blake: 1:18:49

Are there other ways, uh, that piece around just like moving the energy through your body, the massage gun is an amazing one. Are there other ways like working out or things like that, that, that you would recommend people kind of trying just to start releasing that energy in a different way than masturbation?

Tyson: 1:19:06

The perineum region is really where a lot of that energy builds. So sitting on a foam roller is a really good way to do that. Of course, exercise. Yeah, we do need to exercise. Like if you're going to not watch pornography, you're going to be building up with a lot of raw sexual energy and you've got to put that energy to good use. So working with your energy centers, learning how to squeeze the perineum and what I mean by perineum, I mean that that muscle when you're taking a pee and you're like want to stop midstream, that's the perineum muscle. So it's like working that muscle, learning how to squeeze it and release it and like push it out and squeeze and push it out. Learning how to like open that space up in the body is a critical component. A lot of men, it's just like all balled up. Or it's completely atrophied and they can't even feel it. Right. And so we need to learn how to relate to that as a, as a muscle group. And we have to take it, take it to the gym effectively. So that's really, really critical. And the massage gun is really helpful for opening that up. Um, the other thing that I was going to say that I think is really important, a guy had me on his podcast the other day, and he asked me a similar question, like what's the first step for men. And my answer was a very unique answer, but I, I'll say it again, um, try masturbating outside. You know, we do everything in secrecy, silence and shame in our own bedroom under the covers with our little computer or phone. What would it look like for you to go deep into the forest or into the jungle or deep into the beaches where nobody's going to be around, whether that's at night or early in the morning or sometime when you know that there's not going to be anybody there. And what would it look like to open yourself and express yourself in a way where you begin the process of reconnecting back into the natural rhythms of the planet and out of the technologies, you know, we're moving out of the thinking and into the feeling, right? So those are some really unique and useful ways to do it. I would also say, try masturbating standing up. Um, you know, like we all sit down or lay down, you know, what would it look like to actually get into a powerful pose, really, really to kind of move, move the energy, um, and then just learn to edge edging is really, really important. You know, if, if zeros, flaccid penis and 10 is, you know, ejaculating, can you bring yourself to nine and can you move the energy and stay there and then go back down and come back up and go back down? Can you elongate it? Because the longer you can do that, the more raw sexual energy you're building in your system. The less refractory period you have where you feel lethargic, um, and it just feels better when you do have your orgasm or your release at the end of that. So,

Blake: 1:21:39

Amazing. And just to add to the, to the edging, like for someone who's wondering how to do that, like I think a big piece that's important within, within this and just mindful masturbation is the breath breathing deeply noted. Like most of the time we're breathing really shallow, start taking deep breaths down into, you know, around your, uh, lower centers. Um, just a couple of pieces that I know you would agree with on this journey, like the shame piece, right? Like you've got to work with the shame and, um, and just bringing back the mindful masturbation that you talked about actually scheduling in a time instead of just reacting to a long workday and feeling shitty. And lastly, I'm curious. What's the importance of having community or even just a couple of close friends to, to start talking about this with and like actually opening up about this journey? Yeah,

Tyson: 1:22:38

so the, the step, I'm glad you bring this up. So the first step is, is to admit to yourself, I have a difficulty, you know, Stopping watching porn. Right? We don't know that we're addicted to porn. We don't know that we have a struggle with it until we try to stop. So if you try to stop and you can't, then that's your acknowledgement. Oh, my gosh, I am doing this thing that I can't stop. Second. Step is, is to, uh, to reach out to another man who is an unshaming witness, somebody that you can reach out to. It's not going to make you feel worse or bad about the fact that you're watching pornography. Super critical. So that would be somebody that's there for you and is not judgmental. The next step is to either find a men's group and or build your own men's group. You know, one of the things I asked men when they're addicted to porn is, is like, yo, It's fine that we're on the computer and it's great and everything's great, but if you don't have other men in your life that you can truly sit with and give hugs to at least once a week, if you know, at the very least once a month, but if you don't have that type of environment, you don't have a very close friend that is in the physical form, it makes it very, very difficult to outgrow pornography because it's. The, the, the shame of the secrecy, silence and shame, or excuse me, the secrecy, silence and shame when we're watching porn isolates us. And then that keeps us from bidding for connection into other male relationship because we're afraid. Of male, like having male connection often when we're watching porn, not for every man, but a lot of men are afraid of that. And so it's this sort of weird thing where in order to outgrow porn, you actually do need to put yourself in real relationship with other men doing important hardship, whether that's working out or whether that's building something or building a business or doing something that's creative, making music, making art. Um, hikes, that's really, really critical so that you have something to look forward to because if you have nothing to look forward to, the porn is going to always dominate your world.

Blake: 1:24:40

Yeah, man. I 100 percent could not have gotten to the place that I'm at if I didn't have, uh, close brothers in my life that I could talk about this with. Um, so anyway, if anyone's listening to this and really wants to go deeper with your work, wants to listen to more of you, where can they find you?

Tyson: 1:24:58

Um, my website's not fully complete yet, so I'll just say, come and find me on Facebook and Instagram. Um, Tyson Adams, uh, just search me, uh, and you'll see me there and, uh, yeah, and then just DM me, say hello. You know, that's kind of the nature of who I am. I'm very open. I'm down to always have connection calls with guys. Um, I'm running, I'm starting a program called retain your life force starting this summer, um, which is going to be amazing. So from senior attention. All the way to becoming multi orgasmic in 90 days. So there's a whole program that's developed around all of this, what I call sexual alchemy or sexual yoga or sexual fitness, all of these different aspects. So yeah, I'm really excited about it. It's basically 10 years of my life condensed into. A body of work that's really expedites the journey for men.

Blake: 1:25:47

Amazing. Yeah. Encouraging everyone to go check out his work. It's really helped me. Yeah. Thank you so much for being here. I really am so appreciative of your work. I feel like you have so much to say and, uh, Yeah, i'm excited for so many people to get to listen to this and benefit from all your wisdom and years of experience Yeah, Like really appreciate you having me You